Breaking Point
by snowbunny23
Summary: Grissom pushes Sara to her breaking point. She deals with this breakdown in unexpected ways which shatter her world and change everyone around her.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and I'm sorry for stealing them and being so mean to poor Grissom and Sara

This is my first fanfic and it starts off kind of slow but stay tuned, it will get much more exciting in future chapters.

* * *

Sara Sidle walked through the halls of the Las Vegas crime lab in a daze. After solving a particularly heart-breaking case involving the abuse and murder of a five-year-old boy, she was ready to go home and wash the horrible memories away with a bottle of vodka.

"Sara," she heard a voice call out. She turned to see her supervisor Gil Grissom standing behind her. The flirtatious new addition to the graveyard shift, Sofia Curtis, was hovering behind his shoulder.

"Yeah, what is it?" Sara asked, trying to sound casual although she was grimacing inwardly. Seeing the new blonde criminalist in such close proximity to Grissom still irked her. Grissom had resisted a relationship with Sara for over four years, supposedly because he was afraid of losing his job. She had almost come to accept that fact. However, when Sophia was demoted to the graveyard shift, Grissom had acted as if fraternizing with _this_ subordinate was completely within his rights as a supervisor. The pair flirted almost constantly.

"Good work on the Maltin case," said Grissom.

"Uh, thanks," replied Sara, wondering where he was going with this.

"Look, I know how emotionally affected you are by these types of cases, Sara. I know I've told you this before, but you need a diversion from work." Sophia smirked from behind Grissom. Sara pretended not to notice.

"I'm fine Grissom, I can take care of myself," Sara said as she rolled her eyes.

"Gil, I'm sure Sara's fine. You should let her handle it on her own," Sophia simpered, delicately placing a hand on Gil's arm. _Gil?_ Sara thought angrily, _since when are those two on a first name basis?_ She could barely stand the sight of them any longer. Muttering her goodbyes, Sara rushed out of the lab in into the fresh, early morning air, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face.

* * *

Sara slammed the door of her apartment and tossed her purse to the ground. She stormed into her kitchen and grabbed the bottle lying on the counter. With shaking hands, she brought it to her lips and took a large gulp of the alcohol-ridden beverage. _This is sad,_ she thought to herself, _I'm an anti-social_ _workaholic with no life who comes home to an empty apartment and drinks until passing out. _

Child abuse cases always brought back horrifying memories from Sara's past. She had always struggled with the pain of those recollections. However, the moment that had pushed Sara to her breaking point was only about a year ago. The CSIs had been investigating a brutal murder in which the victim looked shockingly similar to Sara. Grissom became obsessed with finding her killer. They eventually caught the man who did it but they were unable to send him to a trial due to lack of evidence. Sara had watched, unseen to Grissom through one-way glass, as the man talked to the killer.

"_It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us, couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ...we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ...we could care about. She offers us a new life with her…but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it ..."_

Through this speech, Sara could see that Grissom was relating to the killer. All of a sudden she realized the seriousness of her own experiences with Grissom. For years, she had flirted lightly with him, and for years he had turned her away. This was an explanation of sorts to Grissom's behaviour, an explanation that Sara knew he would never have the courage to tell her.

The thing that bothered her most about this whole situation was that Grissom didn't even seem to realize he was the one driving her to drink. The horrifying memories of abuse from her past didn't help, of course, but she had lived with them for a long time. Sara had been living in a fragile state for many years. She was constantly on the edge of a breakdown. Grissom was the last straw, the thing that had pushed her over the edge. The sad part was that she really used to love him.

Sara knew she had to do something about this soon. She was aware that she was dying slowly and that he was the one killing her. Her feelings of love had long ago turned into intense feelings of hate. He had acted so high and mighty, telling her to get a life. As if he had one. As if he didn't know that she was already so close to death that she could never live again. She could show him how a girl could die!

No wait, that wasn't right. She would only end up hurting herself that way. She wanted to hurt Grissom, to hurt him the same way he had hurt her. She wanted to shake him, to see him lose control.

Sara smiled, a smile with no humour in it, only malicious hate. She was already dead, she decided, so whatever happened to her or the people around her from this point on meant nothing. She wouldn't show Grissom how a girl could die, she would show him how a girl could live.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

"I need the night off tomorrow," Sara said briskly as she walked into Grissom's office, "is that okay with you?" He looked up from his paperwork.

"Of course, Sara," Grissom replied softly, "you deserve some time off. It's nice to see that you're taking a break." Sara rolled her eyes and sighed angrily.

"Don't patronize me, Grissom," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. He frowned slightly.

"I…I never meant to…" he started. Sara quickly interrupted.

"You never mean to do anything, do you Grissom? It just happens, right? You're too scared to take risks and you end up hurting the people around you. You're such a hypocrite you know that? I mean, why don't _you_ go get a life, go touch people without 'wearing your latex gloves'." Grissom looked stunned. When he finally spoke, his voice came out as a whisper.

"Does that mean you-"

"That's right, Grissom," Sara interrupted, "it's called one-way glass. I watched your whole 'confession'." Her voice softened. "Why couldn't you just say it to my face?"

"I…I was afraid," he stuttered.

"Oh, of course!" Sara cried, angry once again, "let's forget about Sara's feelings because we're _afraid_. That makes me feel so much better!" She stalked angrily out of her boss's office before he could reply.

* * *

The sound of loud house music hit Sara's ears as she walked through the doors of _Insomnia_, a popular club just off the strip. She was wearing tight leather pants, a silver halter-top, and black stilettos and felt extremely stupid, coming in on her own. Then she remembered the stunned expression she had witnessed the other day on Grissom's face. It was her desire to see him shaken like that again that drove her into the depths of the loud, energetic room.

Sara slid onto a bar stool and ordered a gin and tonic. She took a few sips of her drink, looking around casually.

"Hey," said a voice by her ear. She turned to see a tanned, muscular man with brown hair who looked about her age.

"Uh, hey," She replied, "Do I know you?"

"No, honey. I just can't stand the sight of a pretty girl sitting all by herself," the man said, sliding onto the bar stool beside her, "My name's Jake, by the way. What's yours?"

"Sara," She said with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Oh I see. Well, Sara, do you wanna dance?"

"Sure," She answered, smiling slightly. Jake was pretty hot, and it was refreshing to get this much attention from a complete stranger.

Jake led her onto the dance floor and she started grinding against him in time to the music. The old Sara would have been uncomfortable with this, but the new Sara barely noticed.

After dancing for about ten minutes, Sara was starting to get tired. She turned her head towards Jake and spoke into his ear.

"I'm getting kinda thirsty. You wanna buy me a drink?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Of course," he said, taking her hand and leading her through the crowds and back to the bar. He ordered two rum-and-cokes.

"So," Sara said as she sipped her drink, "What do you do, like, for work?"

"I'm a personal trainer," he replied, smiling conceitedly.

"Oh, so that's why you're so built!" She said perkily, poking his abs. Jake was hot, and she was physically attracted to him, but she felt no emotional connection with him. That made Jake perfect for her purposes.

"So since you're all athletic and everything, I was wondering if you could clear something up for me," Sara said, batting her eyelashes at him, " is it true that you burn 360 calories in one hour of sex?"

"I've never really been sure about that one," He answered, smiling back at her. Sara put her drink down.

"I'm a forensic scientist, actually, and when we're not sure about something we…conduct experiments," Sara said, leaning close to Jake's face. He leaned towards her and kissed her lightly on the mouth.

"C'mon," he said, taking her hand, "let's grab a taxi. We can 'conduct experiments' at my place."

The new Sara followed Jake through the club while the old Sara, lost and forgotten, watched them leave.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Some of these chapters are going to take a lot longer to finish than others 'cause the teachers are just loading us down with homework. So, yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, here's chapter 3. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Sara slept uneasily, visions of the past racing through her mind as she tossed and turned under the covers. 

…_"I don't know why I even let you stay here, you ungrateful bitch!"…_

_…"Sara, why is your back all bruised? Don't tell me you fell down again. Do your parents know you're so clumsy?"…_

_…"No one will believe you, Sara. I'll say you're just begging for attention. I'm a well-respected man in this community! Or maybe I'll tell them that it was the other way around. I'll tell them that you came on to me! Won't that be embarrassing to explain?"…_

_…"Get your nose out of that book for once, you little whore!"…_

Sara gasped as she opened her eyes and sat up. She looked around, wondering where she was. Then she remembered. She glanced beside her, and saw Jake lying on his side and snoring lightly. She sighed and let her head drop to the pillow. _It's all in the past, _she reminded herself, _they can't hurt me anymore._

A phone started to ring. Sara realized it was her cell, which was lying on the bedside table. Jake grunted as the noise woke him up. Sara smiled inwardly. There was only one person who called her this early in the morning. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep.

"Jake," she said tiredly, as if she was half asleep, "can you get that for me?" He grabbed the phone lying beside him and flipped it open.

"Hello," he said sleepily. He paused as the caller spoke. "Yeah," he said after awhile, "she's right here." He nudged Sara's shoulder. "It's some dude from your work," he told her, "he says it's important." Sara groaned as she rolled over. Jake handed her the phone and she brought it to her ear.

"Hello," she said, sounding drowsier than she felt.

"Sara?" it was Grissom, just as she'd suspected. _Time to test a theory,_ she thought to herself.

"Yeah, it's me," she answered, picking up articles of clothing that were scattered around the room and pulling them on.

"There have been some new instalments on that hit-and-run case, so I was wondering if-" Grissom started.Sara interrupted him.

"Isn't Sophia working on that case too? It's my day off, in case you forgot."

"Sophia's out of town. I'm sorry to have to pull you in like this," he said. Sara moved the phone slightly away from her mouth.

"Hey Jake," she muttered, just loud enough for Grissom to hear, "pass me my shirt." He handed it over and she pulled it on.

"Uh…who's Jake? Is he the one who answered your phone?" Grissom asked. Sara laughed inwardly. Grissom actually sounded jealous.

_You really do have feelings for me, don't you? _Sara thought,_ you bury them deep inside but they're still there, and you can't hide them forever. This is going to be more entertaining than I imagined._

"That's not really any of your business, is it?" she told him.

_You live such a controlled life, Grissom, _She thought to herself,_ that's what you really value, control. You'll lose out on laughter and love just so you can keep control of your life. That's why you never had the courage to go out with me, isn't it? You didn't think you could control me, and that scared you. _

"I'll be there in about an hour, okay?" she said.

"An hour?"

"Well, yeah. I need to go back to my place to grab a shower and a change of clothes," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Um…of course, see you in an hour," Grissom said, sounding slightly shaken. Sara smiled. _Just wait, Grissom, _she thought to herself, _I'll show you how out-of-control I can be!_

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thank you guys so much for the feedback! It has been very confidence-inspiring and it motivates me to keep on writing.

* * *

Sara's days took on a pattern. She would go to work about five nights a week. She would spend the other two partying at a club and hooking up with different guys. She was distant with her co-workers, and they seemed to realize that something was different about her.

When Grissom was near her, he treated her as if she was made of glass. He spoke softly, as if she would break if he raised his voice. Sara enjoyed his discomfort immensely.

Sometimes she toyed with him. She would ask him how his bugs were doing, or if he had been on any good roller coasters lately. Sara would add just the right amount of sarcasm to her words.

A few weeks after he had phoned her at Jake's house, Grissom approached Sara in the hall.

"I need to see you in my office," he told her. She shrugged and followed him there. Grissom took a seat behind his desk, but Sara remained standing.

"Look, Sara," he said cautiously, "Lately you've been acting kind of…preoccupied. As your supervisor it's my job to make sure that you're comfortable in your work environment." Sara raised an eyebrow.

"I'm totally comfortable with my work, Grissom," she said.

"And…um…. are you comfortable with your life outside of work?" he asked hesitantly.

"My life outside of work isn't really my supervisor's concern," She told him.

"It is my concern if it's affecting your life at work," he said, "are you still dating that guy…the one I spoke to on the phone?" Sara rolled her eyes.

"I was never 'dating' Jake. It was just one night of meaningless sex. I haven't even spoken to him since." Grissom looked shocked. He recovered quickly.

"So…are you seeing anyone else?" he asked.

"Define 'seeing someone', Grissom,"

"Well…" he paused, speechless.

"Oh I get it," Sara said, smiling, "you want to know if I've slept with anyone since Jake." Grissom's silence was enough of an answer.

"Well, let me see," she said, "There was Robbie…and then what's-his-face with the tattoo, and then Jeff, and then the Italian man, and then that guy with all the piercings." She chuckled. "He even had one on his-"

"I think I get the picture," Grissom interrupted.

"You started it," said Sara, grinning at his discomfort. Grissom looked down at his hands.

"Sara…what are you doing to yourself?" he asked, looking up at her.

"I'm getting a life, Grissom," she snarled, "that _is _what you wanted, right?" She sighed angrily.

"I think we're done here," she told him. She turned and left the room, leaving Grissom to sit and stare in shock.

* * *

Sofia sat across from the handsome young man in the reception area of the lab. Grissom walked in and handed the man a cup of coffee.

"Are you sure that's all you remember, Brian?" Sofia asked the witness.

"It…it all happened so fast. The guy was wearing a black mask. He was about 6 foot and he had kind of a New York accent. That's all I remember." He looked through the window and saw Sara walking through the hallway near the reception area.

"Hey, that's Sara, isn't it?" he asked, pointing at her.

" Do you know her?" Grissom asked him.

"Oh, well, I did once," the man said. Grissom gave him a confused look. "In the biblical sense," Brian added.

Sophia raised an eyebrow at Grissom. His eyes widened. He watched as Sara walked briskly down the hall and into the reception area. She spied Grissom and Sophia sitting there and went over to talk to them. She did not seem to notice the man who sat in front of them.

"Hey! Sara!" Brian called out to her, "remember me?" Sara walked towards him.

"Oh, yeah," she said, a look of recognition beginning to dawn on her face, "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Oh come on, baby, don't tell me you don't even remember me. It's Brian!"

"Oh, of course!" She turned to Grissom "Is he in trouble or something?"

"Your 'friend' is actually the only witness for the shooting at the grocery store," Sophia answered.

"So I left you my number," Brian said to Sara, "how come you never called?" Sara rolled her eyes.

"It was a one-night stand, Brian. Get over yourself," she told him, eyeing the stunned look on Grissom's face.

"Aw, that's a little harsh, baby," Brian said, "I mean it was really, _really_ good. Didn't you think so?" Sara leaned down towards him and smiled provocatively.

"It _was _good, Brian," She said, running a finger down his cheek. Then her tone suddenly changed as she stood up and looked at him with a hateful expression. "But I have had way, _way_ better."

With one last sneer in his direction, Sara exited the room. Brian shook his head angrily as he watched her leave.

"That girl is one hell of a slut!" he exclaimed.

Sophia and Grissom looked absolutely shocked. From the evidence of their own eyes, they were forced to agree.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Just to clear things up, that last chapter wasn't supposed to be all about Sara trying to make Grissom pay attention her or ask her out or anything. It's kind of supposed to show that Sara is doing this to shake Grissom's control over things. She's doing it to shock him and hurt him, not to seem attractive to him. The first chapter explains that Sara's feelings of love for Grissom have turned into feelings of hate, and that will come into play later. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't offending anyone or anything 'cause that's not the point of the story. Oh, and thanks for the feedback!

* * *

As soon as Sara was sure that she was no longer visible to Brian, Grissom, or Sophia, she ran into the bathroom at the end of the hall. She pulled the door shut and slumped against it. She closed her eyes as tears began to pour from them. Angry sobs racked her body as she whispered to herself, "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what anymore?" she heard a voice ask. She opened her eyes. The voice belonged to Archie, the sweet Asian audio/visual lab technician.

"You do know you're in the guys bathroom, don't you?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Sorry, I was just…I don't know. I guess I was feeling kind of…" she trailed off.

"Depressed?" Archie finished. Sara nodded, smiling sadly.

"It's funny," she said dejectedly, "I used to be depressed because I didn't have a life. So… I kind of went and got one, mostly to piss people off. It's just that…I know that this isn't the right way for me to live. I can see the way I'm hurting other people…and I guess…I'm hurting myself in the process." Archie put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Aw, Sara, it's okay. I know you, and I know that you're strong enough to get through this," he told her. She looked up at him gratefully.

"Thank you," she said, wiping her eyes, "that's the nicest thing anybody has said to me in a while." He pulled her into a quick hug.

"Anytime you need a friend, I'm always here," he said.

"Thank you," Sara said, smiling slightly. For the first time in many years, she felt content and peaceful.

* * *

Sara entered the break room cautiously. She saw Sophia standing near the cabinets and making herself a cup of coffee. Sara approached the other woman.

"Uh, hey," Sara said. Sophia turned towards her.

"Hey, Sara," she replied.

"Um…I'm sorry about that whole thing with Brian," Sara said, nervously biting a nail.

"That's okay," Sophia smiled, "It was quite entertaining actually."

"I'm…I'm not usually like that," Sara said, looking down at her hands, "It's just…It was just…" she suddenly looked pensive, "It was a…a bad stage of my life, but I'm…" Sara raised her head, a proud look in her eyes, "I'm getting over it," she finished. Sophia nodded. Sara took a deep breath.

"Sophia…I think we got off on the wrong foot," she told her colleague, "I know what it feels like when everything around you changes so dramatically and…it's hard. Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to. If you ever need a friend…I'm always here," she said, echoing Archie's words. Sophia looked genuinely touched.

"Thank you…thank you, Sara. You don't know how much that means to me," she said, smiling. Sara smiled back. She was finally finding peace within herself. She knew what she had to do to make things right.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: This is the final chapter of this story. It was partly inspired by the song "Goodbye to you" by Michelle Branch so the words in italics are some of the lyrics to that song.

* * *

_What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no; it's curved like a road through mountains-_Tennessee Williams

A few days after her conversation with Sophia, Sara drove into the parking lot outside the lab. She pulled into a parking space and sat there for a while, sipping on her coffee. After a few minutes, she saw Grissom walk out through the doors and into the parking lot. She placed her coffee in a cup holder, left her car, and caught up with her boss.

"Um, Grissom, hey" he turned towards her.

_Of all the things I've believed in, I just want to get it over with._

"Oh, hey Sara," he said, "It's good to see you. How was your night off?" Sara smiled.

"It was…it was great," she said. Grissom gave her a suspicious look. "Meaning that I didn't touch an alcoholic beverage, go to a club, or sleep with a total stranger," she added. Grissom smiled.

"There's…there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Grissom said nervously, "these…these past few weeks were…well, they really frightening for me, actually. I…when I saw how out of control you were, I was…Sara, I was so worried that something would happen…it…it was like nothing I've ever felt before. Sara…I think I'm in lo-"

"Don't say it," she interrupted in a pained voice, holding up a hand in a defensive gesture. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

_Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry._

"But…but…Sara I really do feel that way about you," he said, his voice thick with emotion. Sara smiled sadly.

"I warned you about this, Grissom. 'When you finally figure it out it could be too late'. Do you remember that? Well… I think that it's just too late now. This whole relationship thing with you has been so emotionally draining for me, that…well, it's the whole reason I started drinking. I just can't live like that anymore. I used to love you, Grissom, but I can't anymore…I just can't."

"Sara, please," Grissom sounded close to tears, "give me one more chance…to make things right."

_I've been searching deep down in my soul, words that I'm hearing are starting to get old._

"Grissom," Sara took a deep breath, "I talked to Ecklie. I'm transferring to the day shift. I'm sorry…I just…I can't be near you anymore." Grissom looked as if he was trying hard not to cry.

_Feels like I'm starting all over again, the last five years were just pretend. And I said:_

"Goodbye, Grissom" Sara said softly. He looked up at her and she saw tears glistening in his eyes.

_Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to._

"Goodbye," He whispered. With one last heartbreaking look in her direction, he turned and left.

A single tear slid down Sara's cheek as she watched Grissom walk away, and out of her life, forever.

* * *

Sara sat in her car, crying softly as she reflected on her conversation with Grissom. She pulled out her cell phone and dialled a number.

"Hello," said a voice on the other line.

"Hey, Archie. It's me…Sara," she said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked, "you sound like you're crying."

"I'm just…I just experienced probably the saddest and most heartbreaking moment of my life, and…I… I finally feel free."

"What happened?" Archie asked.

"I'd rather not talk about it….I mean…It's just a feeling." She swallowed, as she remembered the man whom she had loved and hated at the same time, the man who had torn her apart and pushed her to her breaking point, "But maybe…maybe it's a start."

The End

* * *

Okay, yes, I know that this is a horrible ending and you're all going to be extremely pissed and I'm sorry. I'm still a GS shipper, I just wanted to write a more unconventional story and maybe show that Sara is a stronger person than most people give her credit for. But anyway, it's been really fun writing this and reading your feedback, so thank you guys so much! 


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